So.
Today I saw a post made by a friend that had all these really adorable romantic things being done: roses on the bed, dinner being made, marriage proposal, etc. And it really broke my heart.
Not because I'm single & don't have any of that, but because of her caption on this super cute post:
"Only in a dream..."
How heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking to me that this wonderful person thinks that she will never have that; that she has to settle for someone who will, in her mind, NEVER do that for & instead feels that she will be doomed to have a boy (yes, boy) who will only treat her as second rate & nothing more.
I know so many girls like this. I listen to the girls at work talk about how nothing is ever perfect & romance doesn't exist, that it's better to have someone at all than to be alone with nothing. I have girlfriends who are with boys that put holes in walls & are nothing but life-sucking people who never have any thing good to say or bring to the table.
It actually really pains me that, especially in these times, after so much fighting to defend ourselves for who we are, there are still women out there who think they are worth nothing more than just one glance from a silly little boy who knows nothing about love nor wants to try to know anything.
Of course, I don't know these girl's stories, not completely. I just know what I've seen with my own eyes, or read on Facebook. I don't know what they've gone through in their lives to have them believe this about themselves, or anything like that. And I definitely don't want to pretend to.
What I do know, is that I was there. I was there. I settled for someone who was not for me at all, but I went with it anyway, because it's better than being alone right? 3 years later, & sure enough, my lesson was learned. I am very particular about what I want in a spouse, & I let it go completely all for the wrong reasons. I was scared of being alone. Scared that no one else would, or could, take interest in me again.
It was really hard, coming back from that. I was shattered, of course from the pain he had caused me, but also from the fact that I had, in a way, let him hurt me. I knew I shouldn't have been with him, we were definitely not right for each other, & I did it anyway. I let myself stay with a boy who had no romantic drive or any respect for himself or me. I was angry with him, but I was also angry with myself for not sticking to my guns.
Who was I? Why in the Hell would I do that?? I thought I was independent, & strong, & I was. To a point.
But everyone has their breaking point, you know? Whether it's because you don't want to be alone anymore, or because it's the first time in a long time you've gotten any attention from anyone other than your parents (or cat), or because he's just...SO....PRETTY......At some point you crack. You hear your friends in the back of your head: 'You're so picky!", "It's just a one night stand!", "Come on, he's GORGEOUS!", "You're going to die alone", "Crazy cat lady, that's what you'll become!", "You honestly think you can afford to be this demanding?".....Over & over again until suddenly, they're right! What is wrong with me?? It's not like he's a serial killer or something....
And the next thing you know, you're part of a relationship that has spiraled out of control. You're not happy anymore. You spend your weekends having house parties with weed & Beer Pong & people peeing on the walls or throwing up in the bathroom. You end the nights fighting with your spouse all the time. You find yourself trying to drop hints about things you'd love for them to do for you. You find yourself saying things like "Well, I have to ask (insert spouse name here) if it's okay." You keep your opposite sex friends at an arm's length. You start to think 'If I do these things, it'll be perfect, & they'll do ABC.'
I learned the hard way they don't.
I learned the hard way NEVER to give up on the demands you have for a spouse.
It's still a struggle for me, I still get the occasional "You're so picky!"
But the difference, is that now I say "Hell yea! I don't deserve anything less." And I don't.
And neither do you.
Please. Please please please don't ever settle for anything less than butterflies. Don't settle for anything less than pure beauty & someone that is going to treat you like the precious & beautiful creature that you are. You have gone through so much, & you have made it this far. You are strong, & kind, & have so much going for you. Don't let yourself fall victim to other people's judgments. Don't give up.
I didn't used to think so either, but Prince Charming IS real. Romance IS real. The roses on the bed, the surprise clean house, the random getaway trips, good morning notes on your car; whatever it is that is romance & love to you, IT IS OUT THERE. I've seen it. I have yet to experience it, but that's okay, because I know that one day I will.
One day all my waiting will find me someone.
I promise you will find someone.
You just have to look at yourself, a really good look, & find what's important to you.
And stick to it.
You are loved. By many.
Don't ever forget that. <3
